Chronically Joyful

It’s been 9 months since I’ve updated this blog, and that was fully intentional as I worked through a “hermit” state of really learning to understand the things occurring in my daily life. 

2025 has brought a lot of big changes – some incredibly positive, and others so jarring that I am still mentally working through the kinks. 

In a state of reflection from this time in 2024 to today (December 8, 2025), I’d like to share some positive updates and life lessons this year has taught me in hopes that one of these knowledge nuggets can help you on your life journey! 

My Multiple Sclerosis is currently Inactive 

While I haven’t had an MRI in 2025, I am pleased to say that I’ve been 98% symptom-free throughout 2025! Of course I can attribute a portion of this to the success on Ocrevus (due for my next infusion in early January), but it’s certainly more than just that. The following little sections will dive deeper into what 2025 has taught me, so hopefully it can bring some sunshine into your day. 

Mind Over Matter 

When you really think about it, everything in life began in the imagination. The device you’re reading this blog post on started as a concept in someone’s mind. Every creative endeavor is a thought before it is creation. * insert appreciation for Nikola Tesla here *

In thinking about my own limiting beliefs that have steered the course of my life over at least the last 11 years since the diagnosis, I decided to make a change in my mindset and see if the result should manifest in my waking life. 

I’ve been incredibly heat intolerant for years to where I’d refuse to go hiking in the summer months since moving to Virginia, or claim I couldn’t participate in certain activities. This past summer, I made the decision that I am no longer heat intolerant. 

The result?

I ran my 2nd fastest 5k in the heat of July, which prepared me to beat my own time and run my fastest 5k to date in my job’s corporate Turkey Trot in November. While Puddles could rarely accompany me on adventures as a Bernese Mountain Dog, she helped inspire me to discover more shady trails so we could enjoy them together. 

Instead of choosing terminology like “bring that closer, I’m blind!” I have become more intentional in the ways I speak not only to others, but especially in how I speak to myself. While I do wear contact lenses and am fairly near-sighted, I no longer refer to myself as “blind” given the lengthy period of time I experienced Diplopia and Optic Neuritis in 2024. I had the tendency to cancel plans or just say no to new experiences in fear of my vision issues; I haven’t had a problem with my vision in 2025 aside from one migraine inducing the symptoms to return. 

We create our own limiting beliefs, so I challenge you to reframe the way you’re considering your life. 

My MS is a limitation for achieving my full potential → My MS is a part of my life; it does not control my actions, but inspires me to be my best.

Find Happiness Within 

As a recovered chronic people-pleaser, this was a major shift. After much reflection, I realized my entire life has relied completely on external validation to confirm that I’m doing a good job in arenas that are no one else’s business. 

• New painting? Who is going to like my Instagram post about it? 
• Learning to play lefty acoustic guitar? It’s going to be so hard, I’ll never be good enough to record myself. 
• Providing unconditional love to someone important to me? What if they reject or misunderstand my intentions? 

I’m proud to admit that those limiting thoughts above no longer impact my decisions. If I have the drive to do something, I am going to do it to the best of my personal ability and I am going to love every second of the process. 

Learning to love yourself wholly and completely through your flaws, limiting beliefs, failures and fear will really change your life. Change your life because life is short and we’re on this spinning orb in the cosmos to experience what this gift has to offer, learn and grow into the best versions of ourselves. 

This is a touchy subject, but I’ve taken on the mindset where I don’t need anything from anyone outside of myself. I don’t need to be loved. I don’t need to hear a physician’s validation of test results. I don’t need praise that I’ve done an excellent job. This is where true, unconditional love is really born. While I don’t need these things, it is in my deep desire to choose to pursue these things. 

A romantic relationship? No need for validation from the other person, but the choice to be with that person every single day, through everything, because I am whole within myself. 

A new hobby or passion? No need for validation from the outside world that it’s going well, but a deep sense of self love and acceptance that shouts “I am doing my best work and am enjoying the process of becoming even better.” 

In short, screw the outside world and cultivate an internal world that is so vastly authentic and beautiful within yourself, that the external world doesn’t matter. 

Silence is better than Therapy 

I am an avid fan of therapy, so put the pitchforks down! While it’s absolutely healthy to share your emotions and get a third party perspective sometimes, it is both grounding and healing to just sit with your thoughts. I’ve picked up meditation this year as well, and in the silent space, I have had the blessing of finding answers to problems I’ve carried for years. 

Those moments where you finally open your heart to the silence and choose to stop avoiding the intrusive thoughts? That’s the moment you find freedom. I have sat through so much of my own darkness in the last few months – 

I am less than because I am sick. No one can truly love me. It is selfish to want love because my body will fail me. I am not enough.

My conclusion from sitting with thoughts like this? It’s all bullshit. These intrusive thoughts are a byproduct of my own limiting beliefs and insecurity and they have no ground to stand on. 

I am enough exactly as I am, and if someone chooses to love me, well, then that’s their choice. Who am I to try and push that love away when someone uses their free will to give it to me? 

Sit in the silence. Acknowledge the hard thoughts that come through, and then most importantly – 

Release them and move forward. 

Pour so Aggressively into your own Cup that it Overflows 

An interesting tidbit I’ve come across through 2025 is the ridiculous mindset that self love is selfish. Have you ever heard of putting on your oxygen mask on a crashing airplane before trying to save everyone else? Same principle applies to daily life. 

How can I expect to uplift others around me if I’m drowning in self loathing every second of every day? 

This was a harder life lesson I learned this year that I am grateful for every day henceforth. I felt and tried to embody the idea of unconditional love for a period of time, but kept running into blocks of wild insecurity and questioning every action I made. In the theme of finally learning to trust my own intuition and gut feelings, I started to obsess over the things I could not control and internalized every misstep as a mistake. It was a challenging period of time because I just fell deeper and deeper into consistently feeling like I wasn’t enough, and at the end of the day, I wasn’t. I wasn’t enough because I was not enough for myself. 

In my attempt to consistently feel “high vibe” and whole within myself, even small actions count. I pour into my cup through exploring new hobbies and building on my skills to not only become a better person, but also a more interesting person! I’m exploring arenas that I love so that I can always show up as the best, authentic version of myself as a service to both myself and the external world. Through mindfulness, I have curbed my tendency to be emotionally reactive, which has also assisted in curbing my symptoms. Some folks experience more MS flares through strenuous physical activity, where I have always experienced more flare ups when in a period of emotional duress. Not only has this practice spared the rest of the world from my spitfire tendencies and inherited anger, but has also granted me consistent internal peace 90% of the time. I cannot emphasize how helpful this has been for managing my MS and has improved every other arena of my life.

I am grateful for the challenges that manifest in my daily existence as they have taught me the most critical life lessons I’ve ever faced. Using MS as an example, I feel confident that I was destined for this crummy hand dealt to me so that I can continue learning and sharing about these things and how I’ve overcome them to hopefully either help others through trying times, or just make deeper connections with folks! 

2024 was incredibly challenging across the board amongst making major life decisions (ie, buying a home) coinciding with multiple tragedies and an influx of very intense symptoms. While many of these factors were outside of my control, I sat with the nightmares of last year and wanted to consider what was in my control. So what is in my control? 

My mindset, my responses to external situations, my daily habits and practices, surrender. 

One of my favorite ideas as of late is, “nothing changes if nothing changes,” and when I’m able to identify instances I’m not a fan of in my life, it is up to me to make a change. I may not be able to save the world from the American Healthcare System, but I can save myself from crumbling under the pressure of trying to fix it. 

So my friends, cheers to the end of an introspective year and onto the next phase. 

Let’s work on healing together 🖤