Chronically Joyful

Given the title of this particular post, I recognize that this is WAY easier said than done and has been an ongoing practice for me over the last year. I happily claim my humanity, so will throw a disclaimer out there immediately that this concept is all about progress, not perfection! 

For most of my life, I have been incredibly reactive to my environment and as such, have had the tendency to take almost everything very personally. 

They didn’t text me back, that means they don’t like me. 

He said something horrible to me, he must be right. 

She disagreed with me, my opinion must be wrong. 

Candidly, it was an absolutely exhausting way to live that also came with an onslaught of very tough moments where my symptoms would flare for extended periods of time. As a person, I was very argumentative and easily triggered, holding onto a lot of different negative emotions. 

I cannot stress this enough (pun intended) – put down the stress you are causing yourself every day! Now, in moments where I feel triggered, I have learned to pause and reflect (most of the time) before responding. In the moments where I fail to take this pause and instantly react without much thought, my body has developed “tells” to let me know that I goofed. I have noticed an almost immediate physical stress response where I start shaking and my body temperature drops. While it is incredibly uncomfortable, I appreciate that I’ve noticed this about myself because it’s a very clear sign that I need to be mindful and caring in how I choose to proceed from that point forward. 

A theme of my life I’ve been working on strengthening over the last year is the importance of protecting my peace. The easiest way to accomplish this truly does lie in taking nothing personally (or at least giving it the old College try). People are allowed to form their own opinions and feel the way that they do – that does not mean you need to absorb that from them. You were not put on this planet to spend time trying to change the minds of others, we were all born with free will. While I absolutely love meeting new people and exchanging ideas with folks who think differently than I do, I am learning to set hard boundaries when things swing hostile. It doesn’t always need to be hostile either, you know your boundaries better than anyone, and the second that those boundaries are infringed upon, protect your peace. 

The words and actions of others are always a reflection of their own self, not a reflection of you. Your worth is not tied to the thoughts, opinions, beliefs or emotions of anyone else. The art of learning to take nothing personally not only provides peace of mind, but gives the greatest gift of all – 

Emotional Freedom. 

As someone who has notoriously been very over-reactive through my life, discovering the beauty of letting go has provided me both incredible peace and significantly less symptoms. As someone who identifies as more of a lover than a fighter (though I will fight if I need to, I’m a Leo afterall!), I have found tremendous joy in learning to respond with compassion as opposed to getting defensive over every single little thing. In the moments where I do feel defensive, I allow myself to feel that emotion fully, as I’ve mentioned quite a few times before. The difference in my behavior lies in the fact that I often choose to feel these things in silence to take a moment of inner reflection before choosing my reply. I am doing my best to listen to others while also continuing to discern what is true and select my next move from there. 

When it comes to how this affects my MS and symptoms, learning to take nothing personally has provided a consistent inner state of calm. I am human and therefore far from perfect, so I still experience moments of heightened emotions or anxiety, but the moments that matter rest in the chosen response. Previously, I would feel anxious about a circumstance and I would become agitated and more reactive to others around me. Now, I feel the anxious state and take just a few moments to ask follow up questions:

• Where is this anxiety stemming from?
• Is it coming from me, or is it environmental? 
• What am I able to do about this right now?

The answer to that last question is normally the next step I take, which is inhaling a long, delicious breath and taking a pause. My favorite rhythm to calm my nervous system down in moments of heightened emotions is to take 3 of the deepest breaths I have taken all day.

Inhale for 6 seconds → hold for 4 seconds → exhale for 8 seconds 

If time allows, I repeat this cycle 3 times in a row; if time is of the essence, I will do just 1 round robin of deep breathing. This has never steered me wrong, and is a practice I would encourage everyone to try. 

While I do believe in magic, I am not promising that this breathing cycle will magically fix your mental state immediately – it is incredibly beneficial, but another reminder that we are only human. Like most things, consistency is key and repetition eventually leads to mastery. 

On any given day, we all face different circumstances and situations that can leave us feeling emotionally elevated or emotionally drained; absolutely furious or hyper grateful; life is a spectrum of beautiful emotions that we are well equipped to experience and alchemize. The less we take personally, the easier it is to remain aligned with the higher end of this spectrum, and the faster it is to return to equilibrium after the highs and lows. 

I will reiterate once more that what others do in their waking life remains a reflection of themselves. I like to think of it as a feedback loop trying to communicate something to me – as someone who tends to expect good things to happen in life, my baseline is to usually feel pretty good. When undesirable circumstances manifest, I perceive these moments as opportunities to learn something about myself I couldn’t have learned without the challenge. Using my MS diagnosis as an example here, I would never have learned how to alchemize pain into power and I would never have seen the world as the vibrant, incredible, amazing place it is without seeing the darker sides of it first. 

In taking nothing personally, we find peace. 

In taking nothing personally, we find clarity. 

In taking nothing personally, we learn to love unconditionally. 

So my dear friends, take the deepest breath you have taken all day and keep doing what you’re doing. Don’t let anyone’s shadow dim your light and practice responding from a place of love instead of reacting from a place of insecurity or fear. 

We got this. ♡