Chronically Joyful

I proudly identify as an enigma of a human being when it comes to my personality and passions; I don’t fit into many molds or social settings but always enjoy the energy that comes from those times and places, even when I can’t personally relate to the discussions. Something I’ve realized about myself is that my deepest peace arises in moments where I am happily alone. 

I love my own energy – I’m (literally) one of the coolest Cats I know. When things get heavy or life just feels like it hasn’t stopped for even just a second, I now take the time to pause. To just be. In moments where I’m simply choosing to just exist, I am able to ground my energy and think clearer. 

Oftentimes I now get asked “aren’t you lonely?” and my response is usually a resounding “nope!” There are plenty of people on this planet who revel in their own solitude and I am proud to say that I am one of them. Being alone does NOT necessarily mean that you are lonely – some of the strongest people I know choose to live alone or prioritize spending intentional time alone, which I personally find to be a very healthy habit. 

Now, am I the type of person who sees someone sitting by themselves and offers to join them and provide that person with some company? Absolutely not LOL – I’ve seen folks at my job just sit down with a stranger having lunch alone to meet someone new and physically felt myself cringe at the thought. I am what I consider to be an Ambivert; my cup fills the fastest when I am alone and reading a good book, playing the Legend of Zelda for the 100th time, painting, or just loudly singing in my kitchen. But my cup also fills when I spend time with the people I love and I recognize that I could be in the grumpiest mood but immediately soften when I have a positive interaction with someone else. I am an introvert, but I am also gifted as a social creature. If I fall too hard to one side of the pendulum, I become very unhappy; in coming to terms with this, it has made adopting new behaviors, habits and intentions significantly easier and therefore maintaining my happy equilibrium a lot more seamless. 

I probably say at least once in every blog update (or Youtube video) that we should never put our own assumptions about others on anyone else, unless they’re inherently positive. 

Someone cut you off in traffic? Assume they’re having an emergency. 

The guy you’re into didn’t text you back? Assume he’s just busy living a beautifully full life and will get back to you soon (and if not, let that guy go, ladies). 

I promise that in the end, you’ll be a lot more content with your current circumstances.

We all make a ton of assumptions every single day, and as someone who deeply believes in the law of assumption and the law of attraction, I’ve really re-dialed my tune to match the frequencies I’m actually trying to attract and not just lamenting over what currently is.

Just because someone is spending time alone, or chooses to live alone, does not automatically mean that they are lonely – let’s break this down a bit further with some definitions! 

Alone: On one’s own; having no one else present.

Lonely: Sad because one is lacking company of another; solitary without companions; cut off from others. 

At the end of the day, the feeling of being alone is a neutral state of mind, where the feeling of loneliness is a distressed state of mind. When it comes to managing a Chronic Illness, I would confidently say that these two emotional states switch back and forth consistently preeeeetty often. 

If I am exhausted by the idea of going out with friends on a given day, I would prefer to be alone. 

If I am unable to attend a social event because my symptoms are acting up and I’d feel like less of a burden if I wasn’t there, I often feel lonely in choosing not to go. 

There was a period of time I lived very far away from both friends and family members; oftentimes, I would not be invited to social gatherings from a place of care from the people I loved who wanted to spare me having to drive a far distance for a short event (as my very good friend would say, the juice was not worth the squeeze). Folks would just assume it was better not to ask than to consistently be turned down by me; what they didn’t realize at the time was that I had become so isolated living out there that it turned me into a bit of a hermit for a while. It just became easier to assume no one would want to make plans, so I needed to come up with alternative ideas when my partner at the time was busy with other things. In short, I got weird for ~ 3 years there LOL. 

So many different states of mind can influence whether or not we’re feeling content in being alone, or feeling incredibly lonely and longing for connection. If we are feeling intentionally excluded, whether well intended or not, it’s more likely that we’re going to feel lonely and not as happy as we would be to spend an evening at home on our own. If we’ve just come out of a very long, hard work week and just need some peace of mind, we are more likely to relish in the fact that we can sit at home in our PJs with a cup of tea and a good book or TV show we’re really into. There is a place for both of these emotions, even when it feels “bad” to be lonely; I like to look at these moments as learning curves in the grand scheme. 

What could I have done differently to not feel like this? Could I have planned something further in advance to ensure I had something to look forward to? How can I make the best of whatever situation I just landed myself in? 

It all comes down to our mindset, as I always say! A real example of this for me personally lies in the fact that this weekend, I am taking a short trip to see some friends of mine I have known since I was a child and I could not be more excited! In knowing myself better than anyone, once I am back home, I am not going to want to see another life form other than my sweet pup for at least 3-4 days. I only say 3-4 days because I made plans with my parents earlier today for next weekend, but in my book, family doesn’t count one way or the other for social activity – they get a free pass. 😉

To wrap up here, I always say that our mindset is one of the few things that we do have control over! If you are self aware enough to know that you’d feel better with some plans calendared and in the books, go ahead and make those plans (and it’s still okay if you end up canceling because life is ever evolving whether you have a chronic illness or not). Should plans fall through and you’re left to your own devices, I challenge you to take yourself out to do something you enjoy all by yourself. It feels a little dramatic to say it like that, but as someone who only felt validated by the company of others for most of my life (ironically because I was a pretty big loner as a kid LOL), these are moments where I truly feel alive. 

To the displeasure of my mother, I’ve chosen to book a 4 day birthday experience where Puddles and I are going to explore a new part of my state and collect memories, beautiful photos, probably injuries (we’re going hiking) and everything in between. It gives me feelings of deep fright and discomfort, exhilaration and everything in between. This birthday trip is an example of being happily alone (albeit with my furry companion) vs. lonely. Will I probably grab brunch with some girlfriends that same week? Almost absolutely because it doesn’t take much to convince me to brunch with my favorite people. It’s a healthy balance of both worlds, just like everything else in this life. 

So dear readers, go out there and make some plans that scare you all on your own! Learn to enjoy your own company because it makes the comfort of others twice as sensational; I have learned to appreciate the connections in my life and the time I spend with others abundantly more because the juxtaposition to enjoying my own company just makes it that much more enriching. 

And as always, thanks for remaining Chronically Joyful with me. ♡