Chronically Joyful

To celebrate 32 rotations around the sun, I chose to escape to the middle of nowhere and get lost on some beautiful trails. When others had asked me what I was doing to celebrate my birthday, I received an array of responses similar to, “why would you choose to spend your birthday alone?” A fair question that has a few different answers. 

A LONG Season of Struggle 

For about the last 2 years, life has been nothing short of tumultuous across the board. A combination of tragedy, difficult decisions, deep rooted guilt, making mistakes, losing close relationships, and everything in between. I have learned to remain grounded through the power of silence and stillness, and it’s something I wanted to cultivate further during this celebratory time of year. I booked this trip in the beginning of 2026 because I wanted to challenge myself on beautiful hiking trails and show myself I could feel confident traveling on my own. 

What I wasn’t entirely prepared for was experiencing one of the worst things that could ever happen to a person just about 1 month before this recent birthday. 

I felt that I could handle anything before, but now? I know I can handle anything. 

I am grateful for this trip because I needed to take the time to fully process and accept what happened. From the practices I’ve integrated into my daily life over the last 2 years (e.g., meditation, journaling, reflecting, prioritizing accountability, etc.) I initially thought I was an impeccable processor and I was just fine almost immediately. Turns out this was not the case – I had just been avoiding the sheer fact of the matter and pretending it didn’t happen. Feeling like an expert in alchemizing pain into power, this solo trip showed me that I hadn’t truly been working toward this, I’d been in denial. 

Having returned from this beautiful journey, I have new tools in my toolkit – 

• Naming exactly what it is 
• Letting myself experience the emotions that come with it fully, unapologetically 
• Releasing self blame or lingering guilt
• Giving myself the loving support & comfort I desperately craved but never know how to ask for 

Time alone is healing; it was my gift to myself. 

Recent Birthdays have Fallen Short 

I hit a milestone birthday in the last few years and things in my life were pretty rough at the time. The people closest to me were managing hard times of their own, I was in the middle of a health crisis, and frankly I think most people just forgot. And that fact, my friends, is OKAY. Life is wild and it would be unrealistic to expect the world to stop because of a birthday, and something about myself I’ve learned recently as well is that I very much don’t revel in being the center of attention; most often, it makes me violently uncomfortable (turns out I have a hard time receiving good things without justification). 

So, to avoid that weird moment of “man, that was disappointing,” I just made the decision to do something for myself I knew I would love. So, I hiked the Devil’s Bathtub and stayed in a beautiful cabin on the property of Mountainrose Vineyards! My birthday weekend this year was nothing short of magical, where I ran through every emotion available on the planet, but predominantly landed on gratitude. Some things I was so grateful for, I smiled until my face hurt: 

• The beautiful weather and sights 
• The “3 Musketeers” – 3 free roaming dogs who greeted me every morning with sniffs and curiosity 
• Cooking delicious meals for myself 
• Starting a new book with a beautiful breeze kissing my face 
• Feeling strong in my body and continuing to “beat my odds” 
• An overwhelming amount of affection, love, appreciation, and everything in between from so many wonderful people in my life 
• Doing something that scared the crap out of me

I’m a Leo, so I Celebrate for at LEAST a Week 

My birthday is August 10th and I’m writing this post on August 14th; the fun has continued with different folks celebrating alongside me through good food, overwhelmingly thoughtful gifts, plans made, and ensuring that I’m confident in how deeply I’m loved. There is room for all wonderful things – time with myself came first, but that doesn’t mean I won’t be seeking out friends and family to bring that happiness up to a whole different level! 

There is space for all beautiful areas life has to offer and there is no ONE way for a person to celebrate a birthday that’s “correct.” Everything is a choice, I just chose to prioritize my mental wellbeing before “partying.” As I step into this next phase of my life, I feel grounded, supported, loved unconditionally and very much at peace. I am still working through a lot of the emotions I mentioned in the beginning – the guilt, the trauma, the regret – but that doesn’t mean life needs to stop. I am grateful to be here, stronger than ever, and ready to continue building a happy, fulfilled life I am proud of. 

So, lovely readers, continue to prioritize yourself before all else. I promise that things will always work out for the better and you are stronger than you think. We got this. ♡